Wednesday, March 24, 2010

Growing Pains

This morning was a little rough for Charlie. He woke up at 4am crying. I was stuck in dream land, so Brian got up and tried to calm him down. Before I woke up, I heard Charlie crying in my sleep but I was dreaming about him. I had this horrible dream that I was stuck in a maze, I could hear Charlie's screaming and crying but no matter which way I went I was at a dead end in the maze. When I finally woke up and realized that Charlie was crying in real life, I shot out of bed and came out into the front room. It was a pitiful sight.

Brian was sitting in the recliner with Charlie and had started the movie Cars. Charlie was sitting on his lap crying. Brian looked at me with a stressed out look and said "I don't know whats wrong." Charlie put his hands towards me (YAY!! Huge step!) and picked him up. We went and sat on the couch. I laid him down, with his legs across mine and started rubbing them. I have no idea how I knew that is what was wrong, but I did. I rubbed his legs, and feet. I did rotations with his feet to loosen up his ankles and he calmed right down. It was just awesome that he knew what he wanted and he was trying to communicate with Brian, but I think Brian was just to tired to try and decode what Charlie was asking.

The rest of the morning has had it's up's and down's. He is defiantly testing the waters as a 2 year old. I LOVE it!!

Also this morning the "First, Then" FINALLY Clicked. Last night before bed he DESTROYED his room. I was too tired to fight with him to clean it up, so I told him last night that in the morning before we played we had to pick up all his toys and put them away. So after his nice warm bath, we went into his room this morning and I said "Charlie, First we pick up the toys, THEN you can play with these Easter eggs". I was expecting a full out tantrum, complete with hitting and kicking. I was so surprised when he just started picking up his toys. I had to remind him a couple times to keep him focused on the task, but he completed it all by himself with no tantrums!!

I was so proud of him in that moment. I kept encouraging him and telling him what a great job he was doing. You could tell he was proud of himself too.

I feel like my dream I had this morning was a reflection on how I feel about Charlie and this journey we are taking. It's a maze that I am going through as a parent to find my child. I can hear him, but can not see him. While I feel like every turn I take is a dead end, and gets us no where, it is leading me a little bit closer to finally seeing Charlie for who he really is. A bright, beautiful, brilliant little boy, who is simply just lost in the maze of autism.


  1. We are so amazed by your insights - Charlie is so lucky to have you as his mother. We love all of you very much. Uncle Jim and Aunt Nancy

  2. Hey! Charlie actually is ahead of Lila in some ways. Lila talks and communicates fairly well NOW but didn't really a few months ago. Her turning point was kind of around Christmas with talking.

    She's not on the spectrum at all I don't think but she has behavior issues. She will NOT pick her toys up - even if I stand there and MAKE her pick them up she has a total tantrum. I have been working with her on First...Then and she is like 'Well FIRST I'm going to refuse to do what you want and THEN I am going to pitch such a huge fit that you will want to cage me!" So I am proud of Charlie :)