Warning....

Warning this is an Angry rant. This is going to be truthful, and no holds barred- type deal. Also Language will be in the adult content.

A little information here for ya-- I have in the past 8 or so years haven't really liked the holidays. I'm simply not a holiday type person. It seems like so much work for really nothing.

So why am I so angry?

Well you see, I would LOVE to take my children out to see Santa, or the lighting of the Christmas tree in the town square, but in case you didn't know, My son Charlie--- Yeah he's Autistic.

Charlie doesn't understand Holiday's. It's one day out of 365 days that we do something different, that we do something out of the norm, and you think he's going to have fun?

I am so tired of people telling me what to do. I'm tired of hearing "Give unto others", "Be thankful for what you have", "Holiday's should be about family and being close"

WELL FUCK YOU!! SERIOUSLY?!?! DO YOU NOT THINK I DON'T KNOW THIS??? DO YOU NOT THINK THAT I DON'T KNOW IT'S ABOUT FAMILY AND ABOUT GIVING?! HOW ABOUT THIS JACKASS, I GIVE MY SELF 150% TO MY CHILDREN AND HUSBAND 365 DAYS A YEAR! And you want me to give even more just because of some religious holiday that I don't even have faith in?! Really????

Do you really think my son who btw is having one hell of a week because school is out for a week for thanksgiving, is going to want to sit on some strange persons lap that is wearing a costume? OH! AND tell him what he wants for the holiday?!? How about this.... I can't even get my son to tell me when he has to piss, let alone what fucking toy he wants.

Yes I do have a daughter, but do you think that she would want to sit on some strangers lap? She doesn't even like for her aunt to hold her, but lets put her on some strange mans lap... oh and the kicker?? Yeah she can barely communicate either.

I DO NOT have enough energy to try and decorate the house, because you know what will happen? You guessed it. Charlie would have yet another bad day because we changed the way the house looked. No I am not going to cook a feast for my family because my kids don't eat(really they don't). No I am not going to sing Christmas songs, nor am I going to try and fake my way through the Holidays.

I am Angry, I am bitter, and I am down right mean. As far as I am concerned the Holiday's this year can go screw them selves.

Progress.

Charlie is doing *amazing* at school, and now at home. He is learning how to ask for things, and he is learning that we have to do things through out the day that isn't really fun, but we still need to do them. At school he has been working on a sentence, and I got to witness the brilliance that is Charlie.

Charlie's teachers are working with him on the "I want" sentence. I have tried FOREVER to get him to tell me what he wants, but I have never been really successful with it. He's told me once or twice before that he wanted something, but it has never stuck. So in class Charlie has a little card, and on it it has two Velcro'd on squares. One says "I" and the other says "want" with the sign for want on it. The other day I was standing outside his class watching him work with Teacher Robbin when Teacher Suzie invited me into the classroom. She said to me "You HAVE to see this!!" So I walk in, and there is little Charlie sitting at his table with Robbin. She has a small bucket full of his favorite items, and in front of Charlie is pictures of his favorite items. Robbin gets Charlie's attention and says "Charlie what do you want?" And Charlie points to the "I" and Says "I" then he points to the "want" and says "Want" then points to the train picture and says "TRAIN!"

I kid you not. It was *AMAZING*. I stood there and watched for a good 5 minutes. He was oblivious to my existence in the room, but he was asking for things!! He was matching objects, he was pointing to words and saying them, he was doing it!! I of course started crying. I am just so thankful that Charlie is progressing. It has been such a long road, and I feel like we are finally on our way on the right path for Charlie.

With all of Charlie's new words and his talking non stop these days, he has started to talk in 3rd person. It's actually pretty cute. Whenever he is doing something, or wants to do something he refers to himself as Charlie and not I. So when he is hungry he says "Charlie, food! Charlie Drink!" He can't pronounce his name correctly so it sounds like Carly, but thats okay. He is doing it! he is communicating!!

The one thing we are still working on is introducing new things into Charlie's life. We knew one day that his little crib/toddler bed wouldn't be enough and he would need a bigger bed. Well that day came sooner then I had thought. You see his Crib is one of those 3-1 cribs. So about a month ago I was looking online to see where to buy the parts to turn it in to a full sized bed when I found out that Charlie's crib had been recalled last year. Severely bummed, we started looking at twin sized beds for Charlie. It made sense to get him a bigger bed so when he wants us to lay down with him we could. We asked out neighbor (who makes beds) to make Charlie a bed. We thought we were being a head of the game by having the frame set up in the spare room for a couple weeks for Charlie to get used to while we save money for his mattress.

So last night we took down Charlie's crib and started to move it into the garage. At first he was excited and helped move some pieces, and then he realized that his bed was gone. The only bed he has known since he first started sleeping by himself. He started to have a melt down when I took him into the spare room and reminded him that this was his new bed, and this was his BIG BOY BED! He started to get excited, but as soon as we started taking apart the bed to move into his room, he lost it. He was crying and screaming. He didn't know what was going on. I managed to calm him down and bring him in his room to show him his big boy bed was in his room now, and then this is where Charlie was going to sleep. Brian let Charlie screw in all the boards on the bottom of the bed (Charlie thought that was WAY awesome). We put on his new mattress and his new sheets and blankets. Charlie was super excited and was more then happy to lay in his bed with his sister. He seemed to be adjusting well to the new bed, and I thought we had completed our mission....I was wrong.

When it was time to go to bed for real Charlie was not having it. He didn't want his new bed, or his new blankets. Brian had to lay down with Charlie until he fell asleep. It all proved to be too much for him, the change wasn't as easy as I thought it had been. He was having issues transitioning from his old bed to the new. But he did do it. It may have had it's rough moments, but in the end he did fall asleep. And the great news? He slept ALL. NIGHT. LONG!!! Charlie has NEVER slept through the night!

I am just so proud of Charlie. He amazes me everyday, and there isn't a moment that goes by that I am thankful that I have him in my life.

Holiday Spirit.

So most of my friends know I have been lacking the Holiday spirit for some time now. I just can not get into the whole Holiday hustle and bustle. Well I finally found it.

I have been searching for the meaning of the holiday for my family when it hit me this morning. Our meaning of the Holiday is simply that we are lucky to be a whole family.

I have been Following another mama's blog since May of this year. Her dear Henry passed away shortly after I started following her blog, Henry was a victim of a severe assault and a drug over dose. I have cried countless times reading her blog and face book posts. My heart has broken along with countless others for her and her family.

Shortly after Henry passed her friend started "Henry's Travels". Everyone around the world would write Henry's name on a piece of paper, paint it on rocks, draw it in the sand, and then take a picture. Henry has even been to the south pole on a weather balloon . I have been so inspired to take part in Henry's travels, but I just couldn't think of anything clever. Until last night.

I was reading her posts about how hard the Holiday's were going to be with out Henry, and started to think. Well Henry can still be apart of the holidays....

So I purpose to you my dear friends and readers. When you are decorating your house and your tree for this special holiday please include Henry. Write his name in lights, string a popcorn in his name, write his name on a piece of paper, whatever it may be, and take a picture. Take a picture and send it to me, or to Katie herself. She is on Facebook as well. Her name is Katie Granju.

I want Katie to know that Henry still lives on, even in the Holiday season. Take a moment to remember Henry and his story. You can see his story here .

This is extremely important to me, and very special. Please don't take this lightly. We will be decorating with Henry in our hearts this Holiday season, please do the same.

Thank you!